There’s a certain kind of self-indulgent listicle that keeps being written about nearly everybody. You know the kind. “18 Things Only Introverts Will Get.” “95 Reasons Whovians Are Imaginative Flowers.” “13 GIFs to Explain Why Left-Handed Shamans Are the Best Spiritual Advisers.” They’re mostly harmless bits of “Hey, someone else gets me too!” Buzzfeedery, if a bit narcissistic. My problem comes when these types of articles are written with an air of revelatory gravity.
The Holy Grail, for me, consists of the listicles related to “millennials”, the church, and, of course, the failures of Evangelicalism. Often times they’re little more than performative exercises in show-martyrdom. Mostly fruitless, they tend to do little more than reinforce our over-weening sense of entitlement, aggrievement, and disaffection from the Church.
Even though they’re kind of paint-by-numbers predictable at this point, they’re still good one thing: getting shares and clicks for bloggers.
Now, maybe it was sympathy, or despair, but I reached a point today where I figured, “if you can’t beat ’em join ’em”, and so I decided to propose a few future titles on Twitter for a possible listicle of my own. I present them here for your approval. Also, because I probably don’t have anything else to write at this point.
10 Signs You Might Be Awesome and Different Like Me
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) January 5, 2015
7 Tips For Dealing With Church People Who Don’t Understand Your Unique Courage and Brilliance
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) January 5, 2015
18 Insights For Recognizing Your Position Of Outsider Specialness Apart From the Unwashed Church Masses
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) January 5, 2015
14 Signs You Don’t Fit In With “The Crowd” in the Pews Like Us
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) January 5, 2015
45 Indicators Jesus Probably Likes Your Christianity Better Than Your Parents’ And Sunday School Teachers’
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) January 5, 2015
9 Reasons You’re Not Just Being Young And Smug About Your Old Church
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) January 5, 2015
25 Things Your Church Should Do To Reach My Spiritual Maturity at 25
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) January 5, 2015
13 Hints You’re The Only One In Your Family to “Get” Jesus’ Love
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) January 5, 2015
11 Clues You’re Ready To Change A Faith 100x Your Own Age For The Better
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) January 5, 2015
29 DIY Ways To Uncover Your Inner, Theological Snowflake W/out Reading Church History
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) January 5, 2015
35 GIFs to Express Your Dissatisfaction With Your Pastor’s Sermon That Was Not Specifically Targeted to Your 2-Year Age Bracket of Concern
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) January 5, 2015
And finally,
19 Things You’ve Always Thought Church-People Could Learn From You When You Were Sitting At Home Avoiding Them
— Derek Rishmawy (@DZRishmawy) January 6, 2015
If you’ve got any suggestions of your own, go ahead and leave them in the comments. I just want to make sure if I write it, my list is the listiest and clickiest of them all.
Soli Deo Gloria
Reformedish 
Ten Reasons Why You Know More Than Athanasius.
10 Public Service Announcements about the Dangers of believing in PSA (or The More You Know, the Less You Like PSA)
31 Bible Words You Thought You Understood
14 Things Christians Could Learn From Buddhism
161 Evil Things Martin Luther Said
24 Things You Wish The Church Would Do Better That Are Already Happening All Over The World
Oh man, I have seen that one.
the one that actually shows them happening or the one where the author doesn’t realize it’s happening?
Both, actually. But the second is the frustrating one. Especially when I could walk them over to my church bulletin and show them half of it.
Is there a link to that one? I’d like to have it in my arsenal.
15 Blogs to share to increase your theological street cred.
8 early church practices that have to be revived before I step foot in a present day church.
10 ways to mock LISTICLES to get clicks and shares.
Well, if you can’t beat em, join em, right?
😉
Ooh!
10 Reasons Millenials are the Best Thing for Christianity Since the Reformation
8 Signs that Your Weekly Microbrewery Crawl with Your Friends is Actually a “Church”
Some really great content on this web site, thank you for contribution. “Give me the splendid silent sun with all his beams full-dazzling.” by Walt Whitman.